Saturday, June 22, 2024
HomeCyclingOne Hand Washes The Different – Motorcycle Snob NYC

One Hand Washes The Different – Motorcycle Snob NYC

Just right morning.

We’ve all had numerous laughs right here through the years, however it’s necessary to prevent every so often and imagine the fewer lucky amongst us. Believe skilled bicycle owner Lachlan Morton, who has been pressured to adopt his outré exposure stunts staying power rides on a shitty disc brake Cannondale with a silly battery-powered derailleur:

Which he used to be pressured to shift with a spoke:

Like so:

So principally a Campagnolo rod shifter:

After all this isn’t the primary time Morton has been undone by way of his apparatus, and two years in the past he made headlines when his plastic cycling footwear began bothering him and so he rode the Excursion de France on my own whilst dressed in Birkenstocks:

The Fredly media shops particularly had been astonished, as till then it used to be extensively thought to be unattainable to experience a bicycle whilst dressed in sandals.

Anyway, given this, it’s tempting to consider the kinds of pointlessly tough heroic rides Morton would have the ability to whole if simplest he had get entry to to correct apparatus and no longer the throwaway crap his sponsors make him experience. That’s why I’m beginning a fundraising marketing campaign to shop for Lachlan Morton a tight bicycle:

[Photo: Rivendell]

Just right for the entirety from Grand Excursion race banditing to transcontinental gravel slogs–and simply restored to complete capability in mins with simplest the contents of your Banana Sax:

[Photo: Rivendell]

With that motorbike, that bag, a multitool, some spare cables, and a couple of first rate sandals, he received’t even want a sponsor anymore and he can ditch the SRAM-Pon motorbike perpetually:

[Once u-Pon a time these were different companies.]

So click on under and provides generously:


Talking of roadies in misery, it used to be simplest this previous spring that the Nationwide Biking League represented the “long term {of professional} biking:”

Smartly…perhaps no longer:

However the excellent news is no less than the riders who had been laid off need to alternative to “purchase fairness within the corporate:”

Now, I’m no businessman, however purchasing fairness in an organization so fucked that no longer simplest can’t it come up with the money for to pay your wage however it additionally wishes your entire apparatus again doesn’t look like a specifically shrewd monetary determination. However I suppose “You’re fired, are we able to have some cash?” doesn’t have the similar ring to it.

In the end, I don’t incessantly open the mail bag right here at the weblog, but if I do you’ll make sure that it’s price your time and a spotlight:

Pricey Motorcycle Snob,

Since summer season started, I’ve been driving by way of the under Victorinox advert, situated down close to the south finish of the Nice Hipster Silk Highway, and questioning what use case it represents. The day prior to this, I handed it on foot, so I finished to take a better glance and… I nonetheless don’t know. I believed that perhaps, together with your unprecedented seize of the biking cultureways, you could have the ability to inform me what’s occurring right here.

Is it a mixture can opener and chain software? One way for prying a 12-speed chain from between the cogs of an 8-speed cassette? A brand new, experimental Rene Herse Ferdi Kübler-edition derailleur? I love Swiss Military knives, however to me they’re like WD-40: glorious issues with a large number of makes use of, few if any of which follow to bicycles. I feel I will have to be lacking one thing. Are you able to shed some gentle?

Lightlessly, your reader,


At the beginning, in regards to the so-called “Swiss Military Knife,” I might put forth that its uselessness is going way past bicycles. It’s simply an collection of awful gear that preys upon the absurd human fantasy that we would in some way in finding ourselves in a scenario by which or lives rely on concurrently choosing our tooth, submitting our nails, and opening a bottle of wine. (And just right success opening that wine with that stubby-ass corkscrew.) As for what the hell the disembodied hand is doing to that motorbike, let’s take a better glance:

That is certainly a vexing thriller, however my best possible bet is that the rider is the use of the bottle opener attachment (“I’m loss of life and I want to open a bottle of Mexican Coke. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE???”) in an effort to elevate the chain onto a sequence hanger ahead of doing away with the wheel:

After all I will be able to’t make certain, however I love this concept as a result of, like a Swiss Military Knife, a sequence hanger is one thing that turns out like a really perfect thought however that you simply by no means in fact use. Like, I do know no less than a few of my motorcycles have a sequence hanger, however I couldn’t start to inform you what number of as a result of I by no means in fact use it–even the garments hook in THE CAR THAT I OWN turns out indispensable compared. So, given the vested passion the Swiss have in perpetuating the false perception that their eponymous Military Knife is one thing you will have with you always, in addition to their well-documented propensity for protecting their arms blank [see: numbered bank accounts, money laundering, etc.], I posit that the disembodied hand is putting a sequence on a sequence hanger with a Swiss Military Knife while heading off sullying itself with chain filth.

However I’m open to different concepts.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Recent Comments